75 Pounds
by Fredwasacat
Summary: I love food. And scrapbooking. I do not like exercise. My name is Ashley Davies, and this summer, I'm apparently off to Fat Camp.
1. Prologue

_**An Ode to Donuts**_

_Your soft insides seem to melt within my mouth _

_Sometimes filled with delight_

_Custard or Jelly_

_Which will you be?_

_Your outsides so crisp _

_Covered in the most delicious things. _

_Cinnamon, sugar, glaze, chocolate_

_How can I decide?_

_

* * *

_

"Sit down, fatty."

"Did she seriously just read that?"

Did I?

Why the hell did I do that?

"Class, class, the assignment was to write on something you know and enjoy."

"Should have just written it on bacon grease, Oink."

Well, I do enjoy a bacon dressing.

"It was lovely Ashley, why don't you sit down."

Why do the put these desks so close together?

It has to be a fire hazard.

"Careful, chubby."

"Watch where you're going."

"Class!"

I make it to my seat with only one attempted leg tripping. Which makes today a pretty good day.

"Lily, why don't you read your poem?"

Lily Jackson.

She gave me the nickname Oink two years ago.

It stuck. Like a cinabon left in its box in the car overnight.

"I don't know how I'd possibly beat donuts, Mrs. Martin."

The class laughs.

I chuckle as well.

Well, it was kind of funny.

* * *

"Watch where your fat ass swings, Oink."

I walk down the halls.

I don't think the school board took my hallway widening proposal seriously.

I'll have to rewrite it more persuasively.

I recently read an entire blog on persuasive writing.

It was written by someone with an .edu email address so they really know what they're talking about.

I've also read a blog on Portuguese style chicken.

I'm thinking of moving to Portugal now.

I should have noticed Michael Porter and Darren Kennedy waking up behind me but I'm highly distracted by the fact that I'm certain I can smell the chicken.

Somewhere.

I wonder if I've mastered creating matter in my head.

I sure hope so. It would save a lot of walking.

I feel the ribbon being pulled out of my hair.

"Hey! Give it back."

Michael holds the ribbon over his head.

Stupid boys, I can't jump.

"It's not like you don't have a million more, Oink."

But that one matches this shirt!

"Not in this color."

"Trust us. We're doing you a favor."

They begin to walk away.

Now, I could follow after them or I could go and see if they're serving fried chicken for lunch.

I pick the latter.

* * *

"Ms. Davies, you're wanted in Ms. Parker's office."

Ms. Parker is my guidance counselor.

I'm pretty sure she likes to call me to her office just to have me walk to her office.

I can't prove it, but when I get there she often just talks about my day and I know she has my cell phone number.

"Don't trip, Davies."

Well, there's my second leg trip of the day.

Still a semi-okay day.

* * *

I walk into the room.

I should have known it would be an ambush.

The last time my guidance counselor and my PE teacher were in the same room together they tried to switch my Coca-Cola to the diet variety.

How could I turn my back on the original?

I'm its most avid fan.

Though, I'm sure if they tried they can splurge on a little more sugar per can.

But, I don't know, maybe they're hurting for cash lately.

Ms. Parker smiles at me

"Ms. Davies, why don't you have a seat?"

Mr. Wood snorts. "If you can fit, Davies."

Mr. Wood is my least favorite teacher.

"That's unnecessary, John."

Yes, especially because Ms. Parker happens to have extra wide cushioned seats.

Ms. Parker is one of my favorite, well; she's not a teacher, but people in the school.

"As you know it's the last week of school."

I nod.

I'm so excited. I'll be able to watch all three hours of daytime dramas now.

Well, at their right time slots. I do have TiVo and Soapnet.

But, now I can take part in the daily message board discussion.

I've been trying to create a good username and everything.

"We spoke to your mother."

"You spoke to my mother?"

Wow, how'd you manage that?

"Are you sure?"

"Davies, did the fat get to your ears?"

For his information, my ears are the smallest thing on me.

"No sir."

"Mr. Wood." She clears her throat. "Like I was saying, she has signed all the paperwork."

So, she was here physically?

"Paperwork?"

"Don't you remember our last discussion, Ashley?"

We talked about pajama pants at school and how no one really gets followers on twitter.

Oh.

That's right.

I zoned out when she started talking about how I didn't run the mile.

I kept hearing that "I would walk 500 miles and then I would walk 500 more."

That's 1000 miles! He must really like her.

I think you can get to Disneyland on those miles.

I'd much prefer Disneyworld but it's on the other side of the world.

"Ashley?"

"Hello, Davies, you home?"

"Mr. Wood, that's unnecessary. Ashley, remember we talked about Camp Edwards."

"Like Twilight?'

"No."

Then why would I want to go there?

"It's a camp to get you in shape, Davies."

Ms. Parker sighs. "We're just highly concerned for your health, Ashley."

"Wait. You're sending me to a fat camp?"

"Well, I wouldn't call it a fat…"

"Yeah, Davies, we're sending you to a fat camp. You can thank us later."

But, half of this is because I'm big boned! Ask Nonna.

"Do I get a say?"

"Oh, you'll enjoy it. I promise."

Ms. Parker, you were my favorite and now you are not.

"We're saving your life, Davies."

"Your mother has promised to take you tomorrow."

My mother promised to be in a car with me?

Maybe they replaced her with a robot.

Maybe it was an imposter.

I'd much rather be kidnapped at this point anyways

"But, that's tomorrow!"

Ms. Parker elbows Mr. Wood before he can retort.

"The camp likes to get an early start on the summer."

I bet it doesn't even have TiVo!

"Why don't you take off early and start packing."

I nod in defeat. "Okay."

I wiggle my way out of the chair.

"I would just like both of you to know I find this undoubtably unfair."

"I don't care, Davies."

"It's noted, Ashley. I have your cell number, I'll keep in touch."

I make my way out of the room and to the hallway. The bell must have rung for the end of the day.

So much for an early dismissal.

I'll never be able to pack properly in time.

"Watch it, Oink."

Third leg tripping of the day.

It's a terrible day.


	2. Chapter 1

There is something wrong.

There is something very, very wrong.

I cannot smell the aroma of baking or the simmering of a sauce.

Oh, and there's suitcases. Lots and lots of suitcases and these suitcases are not my pastel colored set, so that can only mean one thing.

One terrible thing.

I enter the living room cautiously.

"Ashley."

She's sitting on the couch painting her toe nails.

"Mom?"

She doesn't look up.

"Ashley, I've told you to call me Christine."

"Okay, Christine."

"Are you just going to stand there? Don't you have things to do?"

"But, Nonna brings me cupcakes after school."

"Nonna is an enabler. She's lucky she isn't fired."

"You can't fire Nonna!"

"Ashley. We have gone over this a million times. She is not really your grandmother."

Maybe twenty or so times, but not nearly a million. And I read in _A New You: Road to Discovery and Other Things_, that one should not over exaggerate.

Though, I don't think Christine would enjoy my sage advice.

"Where is she?"

"She's helping your sister."

Oh. God. No.

"Kyla is here?"

"Where else would she be?"

Happy place. Happy place. I have to find my happy place.

Oh!

Skiing down… no. Not skiing. Sitting on a mountain of ice cream.

And it just started raining sprinkles

And…

"Have you gone dumb?"

"What?"

"I was speaking to you."

She's blowing on her toe nails now.

How can someone blow on their own toe nails?

I still have my suspicions that she may be a cyborg.

"I thought you two were in Cuba."

"Colombia, Ashley. Really? Cuba is no place for a model."

Colombia?

The country of _Fritanga?_ And they didn't invite me?

Plates full of meat were probably completely wasted on them.

I saw on one of my random searches on Wikipedia that Colombia is the most biodiverse…

"Ashley? Really. Don't you have anything better to do?"

"I…"

No, not really.

My daily Buffy rerun doesn't start for another hour.

It's going to be the episode where…

"Well?"

"I'm going to go find Nonna."

I turn, but I don't have to move far, Nonna walks into the room.

"Oh, there you are."

Christine stands.

She must have gotten enough of her contortionism.

"I mean it, Ruby, no cupcakes."

And the devil is gone.

It would have been only a touch more dramatic if a smoke bomb was involved.

"Are you doing alright?"

"Oh Nonna! They are sending me to Camp Edwards which has absolutely nothing to do with Twilight and everything to do with the fact that the world is prejudiced against the large in statue. And they're probably going to make me run and not believe me like that ignorant doctor that I do have asthma and then I am going to pass out. And then, I might die. And I don't even know if there's a hospital in the vicinity. I could die and then no one would be around to announce me dead. And if you're not announced dead then you're not legally dead. And then how will my magazines know not to be delivered? And if they don't…"

Nonna holds her hand up and sighs.

"Would you like me to take you to the fabric store?"

Would I!

"Yes! I don't have any army greens or camouflage at all!"

"I'll meet you in the car."

"Oh! Let me just run and get my frequent buyer card."

I look at the stairs.

"Actually, Nonna, can you go grab it?"

She pats the top of my head and starts up the stairs.

"Of course."

"It's in the drawer next to the scrap booking drawer."

"Okay," she yells down the stairs.

"Oh, and under Tobasco."

Beanie Babies should always be on top of the drawer.

They're collectables you know. Especially the retired ones.

* * *

"Tubby! I've missed you!"

Sounds like it.

My sister makes a show of wrapping her arms around me

"Have you lost weight?"

Well, now that she's mentioned it.

Since I changed my cycle of weighing from the evening to the mornings I have found I get a much better result.

I've lost 2 pounds already.

"Don't encourage her, Kyla."

I sit down at the table and stare ahead of me. Kyla sits across from me.

"So how was Colombia?"

Kyla does a half squeal half clap. "Oh, it was beautiful. At least where we were."

"Your sister got offered another job."

"Just a little calendar."

"Kyla. Don't be modest. She's been offered to pose in the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition."

"Like, the one the janitor hangs in his closet? He thinks we can't see it, but we all can. And sometimes the boys…"

Christine clears her throat. "Yes, that one, Ashley."

"Do you want janitors staring at you?"

Kyle coughs. "Well, I mean, it's not just janitors."

"Ashley. This is a good opportunity for your sister. A little encouragement."

"Sorry, Kyla."

"Don't worry about it, Tubs."

"Ruby! Is dinner ready yet?"

"Coming."

Nonna comes into the room holding three plates.

She use to waitress. She tried to teach me once how to hold three plates at once. I decided I'd just really prefer one really, really large plate.

Nonna puts a plate in front of me.

What is this?

This chicken isn't even marinated. And I don't see any ketchup anywhere.

And what are these green things? They're much too long to be green beans.

"This isn't real food."

Christine glares. "It's the closest thing to real food you've probably ever eaten."

I doubt that.

That would probably be sushi with the whole raw thing going on. But, I stopped eating sushi after I saw what it did to poor Jeremy Piven.

No mercury poisoning for me, thank you very much.

* * *

"We need to get you packed."

"But, Nonna, I don't want to go."

She sits next to me on my bed and puts her arm around my shoulders.

"It's only for a summer, dear."

"But, it's for all summer.'

She nods. "Yes, but there will be other summers."

"But, I want this summer."

"Maybe you'll make some friends."

Friends? Like, people who want to hang out with me and perhaps share an apartment with me and maybe even when we move out we all still have keys and I could be the Rachel of the group.

Or, I guess, the Monica.

"I guess."

"Good, now, are we color coordinating outfits and luggage or is it okay if we fit it all in just two suit cases?"

Well, I guess I can do the two suitcases, I don't want to haul them everywhere and it will just be me.

"I guess that'll be fine."

Nonna smiles and hugs me before standing and going back into the closet.

* * *

"Ash?"

I look up to a very tired Kyla.

"Ky?"

"What are you doing? It's 1 AM."

"Oh, I, it's just, dinner was disgusting, and, it's snack time, kind of."

Kyla nods. "Can you just keep it down a little?"

But, how will I mix the batter?

"Sure, no problem."

I guess cake is out. I'm sure we have some Oreos somewhere.

* * *

"This is it."

"But, there's nothing here."

Christine looks around.

"Maybe they make you hike to it or something."

"Mo…Christine, there's no one here."

"Well, the GPS says this is it."

"The GPS can be wrong, you know."

She scoffs.

"Fine, we'll drive down the road a little further, but only a little."

I have my suspicions she'd rather leave me in the middle of nowhere than admit her $2000 toy is a piece of junk.

* * *

"I think this is it."

I point to the wooden sign that reads 'Camp Edwards'.

Christine looks at the sign and down the road.

"That's gravel."

I nod. "I suppose it leads into the woods."

"Don't they have enough money to pave the goddamn road?"

I shrug.

You'd think they would with all the money they probably save starving us to death.

"You better come home looking like your sister all the trouble this is putting me through."

I snort.

Like that would ever happen.

* * *

I pull the second suitcase out of the car and shut the door behind me.

I'm either early or late.

Could be either.

It's not like I was handed a brochure and I had to spend my last night with internet checking the message boards. I don't understand why they don't do spoilers three months in advance.

Someone taps me on the shoulder.

I turn around.

Well, she's in the wrong camp. That's unfortunate. Or, maybe she's one of those bulimics, or something."

"Welcome to Camp Edwards," the blonde smiles at me. "Here, let me help you find your cabin."

Oh, she works here. I guess that explains it.

I look behind me but Christine has already sped off.

Figures.

"I'm Spencer."

"Ashley."

"Well, it's nice to meet you Ashley."

It is?


	3. Chapter 2

"Hey girls, we found our last addition."

The blonde leads me into a modestly large cabin.

Oh! Bunk beds!

I've never had bunk beds before. I suggested it once when I was younger, but Christine explained that no one would want to sleep under me.

And it was a legal hazard.

"Girls this is Ashley Davies."

I wave.

"This is Madison Duartes." She points to a Latina girl, lounging on the bottom of one of the two bunks, reading a Cosmopolitan.

How exciting!

Seventeen is my cup of tea but I'm sure they're like the same thing.

"And Chelsea Lewis O'Clay." She points to a black girl who's sitting beside Madison's bed, unpacking her clothing.

I don't understand. All her socks are white. We'll have to have a talk about it later.

"And up there is Carmen San Diego."

"Oh! Is the town named after your family? I've been there. I just loved the zoo. I think the prairie dogs are my favorite. I admit I am an avid fan of…"

Carmen clears her throat. "It's not my real name, you know."

Oh.

Well, maybe you're still a fan of Meercat Manor. I'd love to chat about the recent divide in the family.

Chelsea giggles. "She won't tell us her last name."

Spencer shrugs beside me. "It's a mystery."

"It's a damn bit shady if you ask me." Madison throws her magazine on the floor. "Spence, you could have us shacking up with a murderer."

I pick up the magazine and put it on the small table next to the bed.

"She hasn't killed any of you yet."

"Yet being the key word there."

She doesn't look like much of a murderer to me. She doesn't have an eye patch or a scar or any of those other things murderers have.

Maybe she has a tattoo somewhere.

I can't ask her though. That would be rude.

Spencer turns to me. "Ashley, you can take the bottom under Carmen."

Madison makes a motion that looks suspiciously like slitting of ones throat.

"Girls. I'll be in my room if you need me. We have the opening ceremony in an hour or so. So, be ready, okay?"

Spencer turns and exits through one of the three doors in the cabin. I am hoping the third door lead to a washroom because I'd rather hold it for three months than ever …

"You're new." Madison observes.

I sit down on my newly designated bed. Good thing I packed sheets, this white is not going to do.

"Isn't this the first day?"

She shrugs and grabs her magazine back from where I placed it. "At least you picked a good year to join, Davies."

I should start week one with floral, it being almost still spring and then I'll work my way into summer prints.

"This year they've combined the girl's and boy's camps." Chelsea explains.

Carmen makes a gagging noise from above me.

"Gross, guys. Gross."

"Right, San Diego doesn't like that sort of thing."

I should really get her _A Guide to A Better You: Finding that Perfect Space. _

"Co-ed learning environments foster more comprehensive growth." Chelsea shakes her head while Madison laughs. "Really. It's been scientifically proven."

"I don't like men. Like, I like woman."

Well, who couldn't like people like Michelle Obama or Martha or even Barbra Walters? Well, I mean sometimes. She did make the View. But, the world can forgive her.

"Well, who doesn't like women?"

Madison makes a noise that sounds suspiciously like a bull. I remember what one sounds like specifically because on that one field trip Lily thought it would be funny to…

"No, like I like like women."

Madison decides to chime in, "She's a big old lesbian, Davies."

"Oh." I've never met a real live lesbian before. Though, I TiVo Ellen enough that we're almost like real friends. So, that pretty much counts. "How fun!"

Madison snorts. "You're the one sleeping under her not me."

"Fuck off, Maddy."

Chelsea clears her throat. "They've always been like that."

"Oh, do you all go to the same school?"

I wish I had a posse at school. Or a clique. Or a gang. Or some amigos.

"… every year."

"What?"

Chelsea smiles as she closes her trunk and stands. "Carmen was just explaining that we've just been in the same cabin together for a few years."

"You half deaf, Davies?" Madison pulls out another magazine from under her bed.

"A few years?"

So, I've been sent to a failed fat camp for my whole summer. Didn't they post their statistics? Wasn't this taken into consideration?

Who am I kidding? Christine didn't even know the name of the camp when she dropped me off.

"You know, lose it and gain it. Keeping it off is the hard part," Carmen explains.

"Oh, the losing it is pretty hard too." Chelsea laughs; I'm assuming it's at the horror on my face. "I think it's the lack of sugar we try to make up for the three months in the first two weeks we're out."

Lack.

Of.

What?

Madison scoffs, "Speak for yourself, O'Clay, I try in the first week."

This is an outrage. "But, your body needs 100 to 300 calories of sugar daily."

Daily.

And that's just the average recommended dosage.

"They say we get it in the fruits and stuff," Carmen explains.

Fruits?

And stuff?

I am not a squirrel.

"Oh."

* * *

This will be the perfect location.

I peel off the sticky back of my hook.

"What are you doing?"

I look to the Latina.

"I'm hanging my wish board."

"Your what?"

"It's from The Secret. It's one of my favorite books. Would you like a copy? I have three."

"With you?"

I nod.

Just in case I take one into the woods and it gets dirty or eaten by an animal.

One of them has to be around here somewhere. I begin rummaging through my trunk.

"Look. I'm not interested."

Who wouldn't be interested in The Secret? It got me that A in English and that new car seat cover I had been looking at.

Can you get much cuter than faux fur seat covers?

That's a total no.

"Well, if you change your mind."

"I won't."

"How about either of you?"

"Nope," Carmen responds instantly.

"Oh, I guess it wouldn't hurt to give it a look," Chelsea walks over to me.

I smile and hand her my best copy. It really does feel good to share.

* * *

I sit in between Carmen and Chelsea in the dimly lit auditorium when a man who walked out of Christine's _Ab Masters_ DVD walks on stage.

She turns the DVD on a lot but she never does the actual moves. Maybe she watches it for motivation?

"And how are all of you feeling!"

Well, actually, I think I feel a …

"Great!" a chorus of voices shouts back.

I object! Not all those people could be feeling great.

"Well, I am great too and you know why?"

Because you've obviously fed everyone 'great' kool-aid?

"Because we're here again together ready and willing to get fit and healthy!"

Both? No one told me this was a package deal.

I notice the blond from earlier, Spencer, sitting in the back of the stage along with nine other possible bulimics.

"Hey, Chelsea?"

"Yeah?" she whispers.

"Are they like graduates or something?"

I hear Madison snickering from the other side of Chelsea. "Davies, those people have never eaten a cupcake in their lives."

Probably not a cookie either.

* * *

"Where are we going?"

I am following the three girls across very grassy ground.

I think I am allergic to grass. Though, this is only a theory because I refuse to let them prick me with toxins just to see.

How medieval of them.

"It's dinner time," Carmen replies.

So, they do feed us.

Madison laughs humorously, "Yeah, if you can call it dinner."

"Guys, it's not that bad."

Oh God, it's going to be horrible.

* * *

It's those weird green things from last night.

It must be a worldwide conspiracy. They're following me.

"It's asparagus." Carmen must have noticed my blank stare. "Honestly, take some; take all the food they'll give you."

I do.

I take two helpings.

If only I could find some cream and some salt and I could make my own butter. Cream and salt have to be available somewhere, don't they?

I finish with the line and follow Carmen to a round table that Chelsea and Madison already occupy.

* * *

"I can't truly understand how losing 75 lbs in three months is healthy."

I wonder if I think about it in kilograms if it'll be easier. It's only 34 kilograms.

God the Europeans have it easy.

"Yeah, Davies, they secretly sent us all to a concentration camp." Madison rolls her eyes. "I'm sure it's healthy. No one does it anyways."

How insensitive to all those …

"Wait, no one?"

"You don't see the ones that do again," Carmen says between bites of the second tasteless chicken I've had in the last two days.

I bet the Portuguese have never had this problem.

"It's like the magic number," Chelsea adds.

The doors open and I hear silent moans from the tables around us.

"Ugh, why do they let the councillors eat with us?"

Chelsea chuckles, "Where else would they eat, Mads?"

"I don't care, O'Clay, I just don't need them flaunting how they actually enjoy this food."

Carmen pushes her plate away from her. "No. There's no way they enjoy it."

"Let's ask Carlin."

Madison points across the cafeteria. It's the blonde again. She's walking towards us. The other three wave so I decide to do the same.

Don't want to be the odd man out, now do I?

Spencer smiles and sits down next to me. "Ashley, you didn't get any dessert."

"There was dessert?"

I usually have a sixth sense for things like that.

I notice Carmen shaking her head in my direction while Chelsea points to her cup of fruit.

That?

That is not dessert.

"Oh."

"Don't knock it, Davies, you'll be craving them by tomorrow."

I wonder where I can find a picture of a cake, preferably chocolate with white frosting, but I won't be picky, for my wish board.

I doubt Cosmopolitan or Seventeen have any cakes in them.

"Carlin, do you actually like this food?"

"Oh, what's not to like?"

Oh my. Our councillor is an alien. This is terrible. Everyone knows you can't trust an alien.

* * *

"What do you think?" Spencer is suddenly beside me as I walk back to the cabin a little behind the other three.

I was distracted by a hive I'm sure I saw pop up on my leg. Well, felt pop up, through my jeans.

"Think of what?"

"The camp so far."

Well, I refuse to be as insensitive as Madison and evoke the image of concentration camps because that's still a fresh wound in many people's minds however if world war two had never happened…

"You okay?"

"Oh, sorry."

"Tomorrow real camp starts."

Real camp?

I don't like the sound of that. When people in movies say things like 'things just got real' bad things always happen next.

"It's not that bad."

The fact that you had to say that speaks volumes.

"Oh."

"How about you come and see me after lunch?"

This might be the first time in my life I haven't gotten excited about thinking two meals in advance.

Maybe it's working already.

"What for?"

"I'm here to talk to you girls too and I want to get to know you a little better."

Me?

"Oh. Okay."

"So, I'll see you then?"

I nod and Spencer smiles and walks ahead to say something to one of the other girls.

Someone wants to get to know me.

And.

Someone who would totally make a perfect Rachel. She'd need a haircut but she would do well.


	4. Chapter 3

I wonder why I chose bugle music as an alarm.

Nobody likes bugle music.

I better turn this off before all the other girls get upset with me.

Wait.

I don't have an alarm clock.

I fall face first onto the wood floor.

I really should have seen that one coming.

* * *

"What are we doing?"

We are all dressed in grey Camp Edwards t-shirts. They obviously haven't read _A Guide to A Better You: Finding that Perfect Space_. It seems to be a trend here. A variety of colors sparks interest and learning.

"Morning jog," Carmen answers.

Morning what?

"But, we haven't eaten."

And we've barely slept. And the grass still has dew on it. That has to be a hazard. And I doubt they've checked for air pollution levels this morning. They could be killing us.

Killing us.

"...fast. You know?"

No, I do not know.

"Diego, she's not listening to a word you say."

"Oh, no, no, no, no. I just, I had something on my mind."

Chelsea touches my arm and smiles. "It's not so bad. We just jog down to the mess hall."

"Yeah, Davies, this ones just a jog."

This one?

Why does that not make me feel any better?

* * *

"What is it?"

I stab my spoon into the substance the woman with the way too white apron handed me two minutes prior.

I'm still trying to catch my breath. The ken doll that ran the 'jog' to the mess hall claims it was only 5 or so minutes. Someone should get him a watch. It felt like an eternity. Plus 7. And a half. Maybe to the 5TH power.

"… so there's fruit if you need it," I hear Chelsea explaining.

"Huh?"

"It's oatmeal." Carmen points to the front of the mess hall. "Fruit there."

"You partially deaf, Davies?" Madison questions as she shovels oatmeal and banana into her open mouth.

"I don't think so."

I hope not.

* * *

So to sum it up, we are being trained by Ken, Military Ken and Rambo Ken. And, they are sadistic. And, we are running. And, I'm pretty sure it's all been uphill. Okay, so, I've been told it's another jog. But, jogs sound leisurely. This is so the opposite of leisure.

_We don't need no chocolate, chips or cheese_

Oh. Right. And they have us chanting lies. With double negatives may I add.

_Bacon, eggs and all that grease. _

Oh. Bacon.

_These are things that we don't need. _

Speak for yourselves.

_We like things that come from seeds. _

Seriously? Now it's just ridiculous.

That's it. I am not listening to them and their brain washing mantras.

Happy place. Happy place.

Fields made out of cotton candy flowers and the stream is coca cola and the trees have chocolate bark and and well, they don't need leaves because I hate the color green right now. No! It'll be fall and the leaves will be M&Ms. And then…

All of a sudden Rambo Ken is next to me staring holes into the side of my head.

"What's your name?"

"Ashley."

"Well, Ashley, I'm Bobby."

I extend my hand to him.

"It's nice to meet you."

He doesn't shake my hand.

That's rude.

"You have to keep up with the rest of the girls, Ashley, or you will all lose a privilege."

We have privileges?

They surely can't take away our indoor plumbing.

"But, I have sensitive bronchioles."

He looks puzzled. "You have what?"

"My bronchiole tubes are sensitive."

His eyebrows knit on his forehead. "You have asthma or something?"

"Well, no, not technically."

"Not technically?"

"Well, my doctor and I disagree on the definition…"

"Get moving. Now. Or we're going to double this jog."

I hear groaning from the girls in front me.

Quickest way to make enemies. Ever.

* * *

Spencer answers the doors and smiles. "Ashley! Come in, come in."

I scoot into the room seeing as my thighs will never work again and I've found out recently that you actually need them to walk.

"Are you alright?"

I shake my head. "I think I may have pulled or broke or sprained some part of my body that I am positive should not be pulled or broke or sprained."

She points to a couch pushed up against the right side of the room.

How is it fair that she has this much space for how little space she takes up? This camp completely discriminates.

I hear her giggling at my side. "So, are you going to sit? It'll feel better."

"Oh, yeah, sorry."

I walk to the couch and sit while she sits down, cross legged on her bed, facing me. Well, it's not a bad couch, but nowhere near Ms Parker's chairs.

"So, I take it you're not enjoying your first real day here?"

"They feed me like I'm a squirrel or a rabbit."

She nods. "What did you have for lunch?"

"More chicken." And more green things that look like weeds.

"You don't like chicken? I thought everyone liked chicken."

I sigh. "That is not real chicken."

She laughs, "What makes something real chicken?"

"Flavor."

"Oh. I see. I'll see what I can do for you."

I'm skeptical.

"So, why don't you tell me a little about your day so far?"

"Well, Ram…Bobby was mean to me during the run."

"Bobby?"

"Yeah. Do you know him?"

She quietly laughs and plays with a string from her sheets. I wonder if she wants to borrow my sewing scissors to take care of that.

"Oh, he's my boyfriend."

I should have seen that coming. It's like something out of 90210. Original and reboot. Though, the original on Soapnet really is the superior product.

"Oh."

"I'm sorry he was mean to you. What did he do?"

"He was just being mean about my sensitive bronchioles."

"You have asthma?" She looks concerned.

"Oh, no, I just think my bronchioles are sensitive."

She laughs. "So, you just hate running?"

Well, yes, there is that.

"It's medical."

She smiles and looks up to the ceiling, "And what usually cures the condition?"

To stop running. Obviously.

"I try to just avoid the condition."

"I see. Do you want to lose weight?"

Well, it's nice that someone has finally asked me my thoughts on the matter.

"I don't know."

"Maybe you should think about that."

"Easy for you to say."

She bites her bottom lip and looks at me skeptically. "Why?"

"Because people like you, you, you, you don't have sensitive bronchioles."

"I have asthma."

Oh.

Well. Point one goes to the alien.

"Exercise helps it. It's why I joined the swim team. My asthmas hasn't acted up in a year or two."

"Oh."

She smiles at me, "Maybe you just got to give it a chance. You might feel better."

But, I already did feel good. Didn't I?

"Yeah."

"Why don't you come talk to me tomorrow? I think I'll have a present for you."

I do like presents…

"Sure."

* * *

Madison flops down on her bed and grabs another discarded magazine. "I hate this place."

Carmen swings her legs over the side of the bed. "Well, I don't know about you three but this is the year. I'm coming out of this with taut abs."

I scratch my head. Is it like taunt? Like her abs are going to taunt people?

"Is that a real word?"

"What?" She sounds surprised.

"Taut? I've never heard it before."

And I got a very respectable score on my SAT verbal. I admit I was aiming for a bit higher but the stupid test is much too long.

Madison snorts, "No normal human has."

"Excuse me?" Carmen jumps down from the bed.

I'm impressed. That's at least a 3 foot drop.

"You heard me, Diego."

Chelsea rolls over from where she is tucked into bed. "Come on, guys, I'm trying to sleep."

That's probably not a bad idea. 6:30am comes unbelievably early.

"Whatever. Come here, Ashley."

She reaches under the beds and pulls out a clear rubber maid case. How organized. I should really compliment this. She unlatches the lid and lined in perfect rows seem to be millions of pieces of papers randomly stapled. Maybe not so organized.

"What is this?"

"This is fanfiction."

"What?"

"Oh God. She's trying to brainwash you, Davies."

It seems to be a pattern of late.

"Shut the fuck up, Madison. She asked."

"Actually, I think she just asked or a definition."

Carmen decides to ignore Madison, "It's sorted from fluffy to angsty."

Should I ask? No no. There are more important issues afoot.

"What does this have to do with taut?"

"Oh, you'll see." She picks a manuscript from somewhere near the middle of the container. "Here, this one will be perfect for a beginner."

"A beginner?"

"I think the term in their community is baby…"

"Don't finish that sentence," Carmen seethes. Madison shrugs and turns back to her magazine. Carmen turns back to me. "Think of it as something new to read."

I take the papers from her. It looks to be about one-hundred pages printed on both back and front. But, I have already read through most of my collection. I was planning a Barnes and Noble trip sometime this week. Beginning of summer the best inspirational novels come out. But, you see how that ended up.

"Okay. Why not."

Carmen gives Madison a triumphant look and Madison flicks her off.

I climb into bed and turn on the little reading lamp next to the bed.

I always did like something new.


	5. Chapter 4

"What is that thing?" I point to the large metal contraption that Rambo and Original Ken are wheeling into the mess hall.

"The scale," Chelsea answers.

For elephants?

"It's so big."

Madison snorts, "We're so big. Jeez, Davies, have you never looked in a mirror, or something."

We're not that big.

I'm not that big.

Carmen reaches across the table and slaps Madison's arm. "Do you ever shut up? Seriously." She turns towards me, "It's that big for novelty. Don't worry about it. It's over quick."

* * *

"Davies, Ashley."

I step forward. I feel the other eyes on me. I estimate that there are 112 of us here. I haven't yet secured a for sure count. I keep getting distracted at mealtime.

Ken smiles and takes my hand, helping me up onto the scale.

He wouldn't be so bad if he didn't wear Bermuda shorts and sunglasses. All of Kyla's boyfriends wear the same things too.

Rambo Ken is holding a clip board, hitting it repeatedly with the pencil in his hand.

He's obviously not read _Road to Betterment: Breaking the Habit_. Nervous habits can lead to a life of unfulfillment.

"201 lbs."

Really?

Is that a lot?

I've made it a goal to avoid scales at all costs. I haven't even been to a doctor in seven years. Knowledge like that is like ammunition in Christine's hands.

"… now."

"What?"

Ken is offering me his hand again, "You can come down now."

Oh right.

"Thank you."

I walk back to my, well, my friends, posse, my amigos.

You think they'd be against cabin t-shirts? I know Madison would be…

* * *

"Alright girls. I got your weigh ins." Spencer has us sitting in a circle under some tree in a circle.

I feel like I'm having Girls Scout flashbacks.

Girl Scouts was horrible.

Lily was in my Girl Scout troop. Let's just say Oink stemmed from there.

It all originated from a visit to the petting zoo and an ill-fated meeting with a pig adorably named Babe.

"… deaf, Spence."

"Ashley?"

Not again.

"Sorry, yes?"

"Would you like to share your goals?"

Goals? I haven't had time to amply prepare goals! I need to weigh and discuss these things. I need to compare and contrast outcomes.

One does not just spit out goals.

"Davies!"

"What type of goals?"

Spencer smiles and pats my arm. "How about someone else goes first. How about Chelsea?"

"Oh, I think two pounds a week will do. My main goal is to keep it off this time."

Spencer nods, "We'll work this year on making some contingency plans, what do you all think?"

"Carlin, we make those every year."

"True, but none of you listen."

Carmen shakes her head, "You don't understand, Spence."

"I want to lose 75 pounds," I hear myself saying

What?

That's crazy. I don't even know if that's medically sound. I don't even know if I understand what 75 lbs is. It's like a whole Kyla.

And how can I represent 75 lbs on my board?

These are all important things I should have considered.

I just know I don't want to come back here.

"Keep dreaming, Davies."

"Shut up, Maddie, she could do it."

Spencer smiles at me, "That's a good goal, Ash. How about you Carmen?"

* * *

"Here, you should hydrate; we still have a mile left."

A water bottle is being waved in my face by Original Ken. I take it hungrily.

I ran out of water within 10 minutes. Who knew a water bottle could go so fast.

It probably didn't help that I poured half of it over my head.

It's very hot out here.

"How far," I breathe, "have we gone?"

He looks down at some contraption on his wrist. "Um, about a quarter mile."

He has to be kidding me.

"I think," breathe, "I might die."

He chuckles, "You'll get used to it."

I won't.

"I'm Aiden, by the way."

* * *

The door is already open and I walk into the room.

Oh, she's already talking to someone. I turn to leave.

"Ashley, Ashley, wait." I turn around to a smiling Spencer. "This is my best friend Sherry."

I recognize one of the other councillors sitting on Spencer's bed. I think from the next cabin over.

"Hi, Sherry."

I reach my hand out for her to shake but she looks at it and back at Spencer.

"Uh, hi."

I put my hand down. This seems to be a pattern here. No manners.

"Spence, we're trying to talk here."

Well, really. Someone took subtlety lessons from Doctor House.

"I'll just come back later."

I feel someone touch my arm. I look back to where Spencer is dragging me deeper into the room.

I wonder if she wants me dead and is planning on feeding me to angry-saurus.

"Don't go, Ash. I told you to come." She points to a spot on the bed next to Sherry, "Sit, sit."

I do.

Something about her voice…

"Whatever, Spence. I'm going to bounce then."

Bounce?

"It's bad for your hamstrings to bounce too much."

I saw that on Dr. Oz.

Sherry stands. "Uh, right, sure." She turns to Spencer. "Seriously?"

"I'll see you at dinner."

"Whatever."

Sherry walks out of the room and closes the door after her. It felt a little bit like a slam but that could be my daytime drama loving perception of it.

"So, any better today?"

Spencer plops herself unceremoniously on her couch, facing me

"I skinned my knees." I point to where a stupid stick tripped me. "And I think my blood is delicious because I can't tell you how much I feel like a mosquito smorgasbord."

Oh. Smorgasbords.

"I have some big spray somewhere; let me see if I can find it."

Bug spray. I can't believe I forgot bug spray. And I am usually such a responsible packer.

This whole thing has me much too out of sorts.

She's rustling through her closet.

They even get closets.

"Ah, here we go." She hands me a large spray bottle and sits back down on the couch. "I always bring a couple extra, but try eating some oranges in the morning. Bugs hate it."

"They're not the only one."

"You have to like fruit."

Fruit flavors, yes.

"I guess it's alright."

"Vegetables I can understand, but not fruit. I love eating fruit. So juicy."

I wonder if she's ever written an ode to fruit.

"Yeah, I guess."

She smiles. "You can relax you know."

I am relaxed.

Kind of.

"I'm sorry about your friend."

"Oh, her?" She waves her hand in the air, "Don't worry about her. Her bark is much worse than her bite."

"Okay."

"Oh! I almost forgot."

She's up and back into the closet. Returning, she holds a bottle out at me.

"What's this?"

"It's a Portuguese marinade. It's within the camp dietary guidelines and I promise it'll make your chicken taste like chicken again."

Is she. Is she holding up the key to Portuguese chicken?

Portuguese chicken in this H E double hockey sticks.

I am suspect.

How can delicious be in any dietary guidelines.

"Ash? I could find something else to help."

What!

I take the bottle out of her outstretched hands.

"No, no, I love it."

"Oh good." She lays herself down on the couch, facing me. "Why don't you tell me about you while we're here?"

I place the bottles on the bed next to me.

"Well, I live with my mom and my sister but they're gone a lot but that's okay because I am fine without them and when they're gone I get to pick all the meals and then sometimes when they come back Kyla brings me things. Kyla is my sister. Anyways…."

"Is she older or younger?"

"Older."

She nods and I continue.

* * *

I cannot believe how delicious my dinner is right now.

Maybe it's the blandness of the last few days. But I am in food heaven. Last time I was in food heaven was when Nonna brought me to the boats with her and there was that all- you- can- eat buffet.

If all gambling problems lead to all- you- can- eat buffets I better start reading up on the ponies.

No. I need to stop thinking that way.

That is going to get me nowhere near 75lbs.

And if I don't make it that's like lying to my new friends. My only friends.

Chelsea is tapping my arm, "Ash?"

"Huh?"

Carmen chuckles, "I was wondering what you thought of your night reading last night."

Madison drops her fork, "Not while I am eating."

She takes the marinade bottle and puts another liberal amount over her food.

I decided it was in the best interest of cabin unity that I share my present with everyone.

"Don't listen to her," Carmen urges.

"I just. I never thought of Buffy that way before."

That way being naked with Faith.

I had to cover my eyes through many of parts which was a shame because it made it rather hard to read.

"Never?"

"Never ever."

Carmen sighs, "The best couple that never was. Ever."

Chelsea pats her on the back, "Remember you have the comics."

Carmen shakes her head, "It's just not the same."

"Seriously. I am trying to eat."

I laugh because Madison doesn't seem to be slowed in her eating even the tiniest.

* * *

I feel something hitting me. Something small.

I sit up.

It's coming from out the window.

Pebbles?

Maybe I have finally wished Superman into life.

No, the pebbles would hurt a little worse then.

I look to the source of the rocks. Oh. That face looks highly familiar.

I climb off my bed and kneel by the window, opening it as silently as I can.

"Nonna?"

She puts a finger to her lips, hushing me.

Nonna! What are you wearing!

The older woman is dressed head to toe in a black jogging suit equipped with a black cap as well.

She reaches through the window and hands me a bag.

"Are you okay, Sweetie?"

I nod.

"Are you really?"

I shake my head.

I hear her tut the way she does, shaking her head, "That mother of yours."

Yeah. That stupid mother of mine.

"What are you doing here?" I speak softer this time.

"I brought you some supplies." She hands me a black bag. "There's some in there for your friends too. You can share."

Nonna always thinks I have friends. This time I'm not letting her down though.

"I can, Nonna!"

She puts her finger to her lips again, hushing me.

"I've got to go, Love, you be good."

And with that Ninja Nonna is gone.


	6. Chapter 5

**Authors Note: **Hi guys. I just wanted to thank you all for your reviews. I really appreciate them. =)

* * *

"Open it, Davies, come on!"

We're supposed to be getting ready for our morning jog.

I'll never be ready for it so I decided this was a good enough time as ever.

I pull open the drawstring of the bag.

No way.

I pull out a box of doughnut holes from Dunkin Donuts and a box of Krispy Kremes.

Nonna knows I don't like to choose a favorite. They both have their own unique features that make them special.

"No, fucking way."

"Language!" I chastise Carmen.

Really. That girl can have such a mouth.

"Now. This is contraband." Madison opens up the Krispy Kreme box. "And sprinkles." She moans. "Davies, honestly, I could hug you."

Carmen rolls her eyes, "If she touched people."

"Correct."

'Now, guys, I think we should think about this."

"O'Clay is right. We could probably sell one of the two boxes for some serious cash and still have enough doughnuts for the four of us."

"Mads, that wasn't exactly what I meant."

"Chels, what's a few doughnuts really going to do?" Carmen asks with a chocolate covered chocolate doughnut mid way to her mouth.

I didn't really think this through properly.

"We aren't going to get in trouble are we?"

"Not unless you tell, Davies."

I would never dare.

I can only imagine Rambo Ken's punishment for frosty delicious contraband.

* * *

I bite into the strawberry. I guess it's not so bad. Maybe she does know what she's talking about.

I look around.

"Where's Madison and Carmen?"

Chelsea shakes her head. "They must be back having, well, you know."

Oh.

"Having real breakfast," I finish for her.

She laughs, "Yeah."

"But someone might notice they're missing. And then they'll find them. And then they'll see the boxes. And then Madison will tell them it was me. And then they'll kick me out. And then I'll probably be forced to spend the rest of…"

"It's okay. They'll meet us at the run spot. They said they needed to get some more water."

"But! That's a lie."

"Oh. I'm sure they'll get water as well."

Isn't a lie by omission…?

"It'll be okay, I promise."

"If you say so."

* * *

I don't think there's a stretch in the whole wide world that is going to make this throbbing go away.

Scratch that.

Every stretch in the whole world is designed to make it worse.

Even the ones for my arms.

"Hi."

It's Original Ken.

No, no. I mean Aiden. That was mean of me.

"Hi Aiden."

"How are your muscles feeling?"

The feel like someone took a blow torch to them but somehow got the blowtorch inside my leg.

I don't know how Christine would feel about scorch marks. I know how she feels about stretch marks. And it's not pretty.

"That bad, huh?"

I nod.

"Here take these."

He extends two white pills to me.

"Excuse me! But this body is drug free."

His face flushes bright red as people turn from their stretches to look at us.

"It's um," he fidgets onto his right foot, "just Excedrin."

Oh.

Oh!

"I'm so so so sorry."

The blush lessens.

I think this is the first time I've caused anyone to blush before.

"It's okay." He smiles again. "People offer you drugs often?"

Once.

"No, not really. Just this one time at this party. I wasn't really invited but then…" I feel myself begin to blush as well, "You don't really care about that do you?"

"Sure I do. But, we got to start the run now, maybe later?"

I nod and he jogs back up to the front of the group, saying something to Rambo Ken before they begin the scheduled run down the path.

* * *

"Since when are you and cute patootie bffs?" Madison jogs up next to me.

"Who?" I manage to breathe out.

"Aiden."

"Oh." I spray some more water into my face. "He just wanted to give me medication.'

Madison snickers, "They make medication for it?"

"For what?"

"I was kidding, Davies."

I knew that.

I so did.

"Why don't you invite him," Madison pours some water over her head, "to our cabin sometime."

Cascading water. Interesting.

"Well, at the moment," I try to avoid the branch but I feel it smack me in the face, "I am quite busy."

The snickering continues, "Yeah, I can see that."

We continue the rest of the run in silence.

* * *

I look at what they've handed me.

A wrap?

What happened to good old fashion bread? What happened to 'the best thing since sliced bread'?

Though, unsliced bread has its merits. Sometimes you get the most delicious loaf it doesn't even matter if you have to cut it yourself, or well, have your nonna cut it for you.

I sit down across from Madison and Chelsea, next to Carmen.

"Starving children has to be illegal," Carmen whines.

"In all fifty states, Diego. All fifty."

"Come on, guys, they even added ranch dressing this time."

"Davies, where are you going?"

What?

Oh, I am standing.

I barely noticed.

"I have to go get something from the room."

Carmen laughs, "We left you a chocolate on chocolate."

* * *

"Ashley?"

I turn to see Spencer standing in the door way.

What do I do?

I will not eat through the boxes. I will not eat through the boxes.

I will not panic.

"Hi Spencer," I greet once I finish my biteful.

"What are you doing?"

"I am." Breathe. "Doing. Something."

"Well, I see that."

Madison will so kill me if I throw them out the window.

She will honestly smother me in my sleep.

"How about I don't ask?"

What?

"You, I mean, okay."

She smiles. "I have some free time you want to come in?"

She turns and enters her room leaving me with my mouth wide open.

I close it quickly.

_Cages You Should Break: A Better You_. Rule 76. Do not gape.

I quickly scoot the boxes under the bed and follow after the blonde.

I find her sprawled out, stomach down, on her bed.

"Come in, come in."

I wince my way to the couch and sit down.

"You okay?"

"It's much better now with the Excedrin."

She nods. "I heard Aiden gave you drugs."

I feel my face redden at my embarrassment from earlier. Really. All pills should not look so similar.

"Yeah, he was helpful."

"My brother is in his cabin, he really likes him."

Her what?

"Your brother?"

"His name is Glen. Remind me to introduce you two."

"Your brother is fat?"

Oh my. That was so insensitive of me.

Her head is tilted, starring in my direction.

"I'm so so so so sorry. I didn't mean it that way. It's just we refer to here as fat camp and if your brother is in his cabin then that would mean but I've never even seen him, or well, I could have, but if I did I didn't know he was your brother and I mean you're so…"

She is reaching across and patting my arm.

"Ashley, it's okay." I breathe. "He has problems with his weight. At least recently. It's his first year here too. I really should have introduced the two of you sooner."

"Oh. Okay."

She laughs, "So, did you have a good lunch?"

I feel myself turn red again, for about the millionth time today.

Today might not be the best day.

"Uh. It was alright."

She grins, "Well that's good. But, let's try to stick to the official camp lunches from now on. You'll feel better that way."

I hear myself gulp. I didn't physically think I could do that.

"Okay."

"Oh, Ashley, you're not in trouble."

"I'm not?"

"No. Everyone likes a sweet or two."

I look her body up and down subconsciously. There is no way she likes a sweet or two.

"I guess."

"So, tell me more about this Lily."

I see her eyes darken and I like it.

I begin where I had left off yesterday.

For an alien she is remarkably easy to speak to.

* * *

Everyone quickly jumps into the lake.

One. I have no idea the bacteria levels for that lake. Two. It looks kind of deep. Or. Really deep.

Breathe.

Why'd we pick swimming?

Was it irrational of me to think swimming meant swimming pool with a shallow end? I don't think so.

Why, why, why does it have to be Rambo Ken in charge?

"I can't swim."

He looks down at me over his sun glasses. "What?"

"I can't swim."

"Davies, is this like your bronchial issues?"

I really really can't swim.

"No."

"Then tread water, I don't care."

Is that like threading a needle?

"Do what?"

He whistles near my ear and points out to a couple of kids that had begun to splash. They immediately cease what they were doing.

"Honestly, Davies, you're killing me." That's impossible. I don't have to ability to really cause any form of harm to him. "Do I need to find a five year old to teach you how to doggy paddle?"

"Doggy paddle?"

"Were you raised under a rock or something?"

Well. How rude.

"Excuse me. But, you are being a jerk."

"I'm what?"

"I do really think that you can hear me just fine unless that whistle has your ears ringing which it almost had mine. Further more…"

I stop myself because I honestly think I can see the steam bellowing out his ears.

"Come with me."

He starts back towards the camp, not looking back at me.

Something tells me that I should just follow him.

* * *

Spencer is sitting with a group of kids in a circle. I think she was having some type of talk today.

I should have gone instead of risking suicide. But, everyone else wanted to swim.

"Bobby? What is it?"

Spencer stands and walks toward us.

"She was being rude and disrespectful."

I start to feel increasingly embarrassed standing here in my bathing suit.

He could have at least let me change or something.

"What did she say?"

"I called him a jerk."

"You…"

"And see, she seems proud of it."

Well.

In your defense I'm not really seeing you, I am seeing the whole collection of Ken dolls I have ever met.

She ignores him. "What did he do that you called him a jerk?"

"First he insinuated that I was lying that I could not swim. Then he suggested that five year olds were smarter than me," well that might be a little bit of a stretch, "then he asked if I lived under a rock."

"Bobby?" Her eyes divert up to him.

"Look, I never said she was dumber than a five year old. I told her she should take lessons from one."

If Spencer's eyes weren't securely in her head I'd worry that they'd roll into the bushes and we'd never be able to find them.

"You. Are a jerk, Bobby."

She takes my hand and leads me away from him.

"Spence."

"I hope you didn't leave those kids without a lifeguard."

He gives her one more pleading look before turning and leaving.

"Why don't you go change, Ash, and then you can join us. We are just exchanging some healthy recipes."

Oh my God. I love recipe swapping. Nonna and her friends do it all the time.

But, I don't have any healthy recipes.

"Don't worry," I feel her close enough to whisper, "I'll slip you a few recipes when you get back."

I beam at her and make my way towards the cabin to change.


	7. Chapter 6

"And step up onto your tippy toes."

I think I am going to break a toe.

"And then inhale. Good."

….

"And exhale."

I can't breathe.

"Good. Now back to…"

I feel my body shaking.

How is yoga relaxing? How is this not a punishment? Why am I on the floor right now?

"Ashley, are you alright?"

It's Spencer.

She's standing above me with her long alien legs and I am disheveled on the ground with my very human legs.

At least she's stopped contorting our bodies into stretched out pretzels.

No one likes their pretzels stretched out. They are much too hard that way.

"You broke her, Carlin."

Madison does not seem all that broken up about this.

I think I will feel offended.

"…ground."

Chelsea's right, the ground is nice. I think I'll just stay here.

"Come on."

I feel soft hands touching my arm and then strong arms pulling me upward.

"You okay?"

And I am face to face with the very blue eyes of Spencer Carlin.

I nod.

She grins.

"You ready for some more yoga?"

I can see Carmen and Madison shaking their heads furiously behind Spencer.

Spencer squeeze my arm and lets go, smiling at me.

I nod dumbly, "Yeah."

Spencer claps happily and makes her way back to the front of the gazebo. I am left to endure the filthy looks being shot in my direction.

"Okay, girls, let's do chair position."

Totally not worth it. Whatever it is.

* * *

"Ashley! Ashley!"

Someone should really pay attention to that boy, he's really distracting me from my breathing.

I think I need that to get through another one of these runs.

"Ashley."

Oh. I'm that someone.

I'm never that someone.

"Hi, Aiden."

"I thought you would like an extra water bottle."

He hands me a cold water bottle and I pour the rest of my old one over my head happily.

"God, thank you."

He grins, "Not a problem."

* * *

I wonder if the inventor of balls knew that their concept would eventually lead to medicine balls, the antithesis of all other balls.

There's no way they could have ever known.

Right?

"Pst, Davies."

I look around.

Nothing.

It's like they couldn't get the same effect with...

"Davies!"

Okay, that is definitely Madison.

"Madison?"

"Around the bush, Davies."

"Be discreet," I hear Carmen add.

I look around.

Ken and the posse are laughing at something on Rambo Ken's phone.

I make a clean break, sliding behind the bush.

Actually, I probably could have done without the sliding, I decide as I pick a twig out of my hair.

"Graceful, Davies."

I crouch down next to them.

"Sorry," Carmen brushes off some dust from my back, "We just didn't want them to see us. We're supposed to be resting."

"Sprained ankle." Madison points to her very functioning right ankle.

I nod.

"We were wondering if you have any more?"

"Anymore?"

"Anymore, you know... contraband." Carmen looks around nervously.

"No."

"Well, can you get some, Davies?"

The twitch in her hand reminds me of that time I hid and watched that movie when Kyla and…

"Davies?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess I can." Then I remember. "But, I don't think Spencer will like it very much."

Madison rolls her eyes, "Of course not. That's why we don't tell her."

"Oh. Okay."

* * *

I could always call her. But I am sure she'll appear again.

I do hope with a little bit more color than her last mission impossible garb.

I do love colors.

"Hi guys."

I look up to Spencer holding a tray of the travesty they choose to feed us today.

Tuna.

And not in salad form either.

I don't really want to talk about it.

"Carlin, you fighting with your beef stick, or something?"

I look over to where Rambo Ken is glaring in our direction.

"Oh, he just needed to be taken down a peg."

I really really don't want him taking me down a peg.

I scrunch my body closer to my tray.

Spencer sits down next to me

"Don't worry about him, Ash."

She pats my arm.

"So is it spitsville?"

Spencer laughs, "No Maddie. I am just making a point."

Chelsea smiles, "Well, I am glad everything is alright."

I don't know if I am all together glad.

He's quite a brute, isn't he?

* * *

"Ashley."

I look up from my reading as Carmen sits at the end of my bed.

"Is everything alright?"

"You know the stuff you've been reading?"

"Yes, I am finding it quite interesting. I've moved through the fluff to the…"

"You know how there's three types?"

Well, really there's three types of many things. And in many cultures three is a very sacred number for a var…

"Types of girls that get the girl."

"Oh, no I don't suppose I've really paid that close of atten…"

"The enemy, the best friend or the unrequited crush."

"But I am sure that I have seen a few where they are just total strangers and then they…"

"Are you going to listen to what I have to say?"

I nod.

"Spencer Carlin doesn't have any enemies."

Now I am just very, very confused.

"I'd concur; I can't really see anyone…"

"Ash, let me finish."

I nod for her to continue.

"And Sherry is her best friend."

I shiver unconsciously thinking about the very mean looking girl I met that day.

"So that leaves me."

Is she trying to say that she..

"Don't tell Madison."

"I would never." I shake my head. "But, why are you telling me?"

"I think you need to find your own story."

Oh.

Oh no.

"While it's nice that, I mean, I don't think ,I mean, I don't like…"

She laughs, "I wasn't, I mean, what about Aiden?"

Ke… Aiden?

"He isn't really my, I mean, he isn't, I…"

She chuckles and bounces a bit on the bed.

"It's just unrequited; you two aren't getting married or anything."

"But that seems highly unfulfilling."

"Jesus when are you two going to shut up?" Madison mumbles in her sleep.

"Well, I mean we could find one of the boys from the other cabins, Spencer has a brother and…"

I cut her off with my hand.

"You're right. I mean, Aiden is quite nice."

Carmen beams, "Good. I think I'll get to sleep."

She climbs off the bed and up to her own bed.

I think I am really really confused.

A light tapping at the window wakes me up and I grin.

Ninja Nonna has returned.


	8. Chapter 7

"I can't believe it. That's twice in one week." Madison takes a bite, "how does the woman do it?"

"Well, she seems to think that dressing rather drabbily will…"

"Ash, the woman has to be a magician. Four boxes," Carmen interrupts.

"Well, I think she was going for ninja."

I haven't partaken in any of the illegal goods yet. I've been sitting on my bed watching the other two eat for the last twenty minutes, about the time Chelsea huffed out of the cabin muttering something about weigh in.

Madison told me not to listen, but I heard her.

What if she tells Spencer?

She wouldn't do that, would she?

And, it's not like that scale has a special function that tells it which bit of my fat is doughnut fat. I mean, if it could do that,_ it_ would be the magician.

Maybe they'll just assume that the blandness of their food is increasing, well, something or another in our bodies.

Plus, we've been exercising like crazy it's not like…

"Davies, are you going to eat, or what?"

"She needs to watch her figure for Aiden," Carmen sniggers.

Again. Confused.

"Actually, you're the one that said…"

"Aiden Dennison is a fine piece of ass," Madison sighs.

"I definitely wouldn't say that," Carmen manages to get out with a mouth full of food.

"Well, obviously. He has too many parts for you people."

Carmen swallows. "Really, Madi, everyone has the same number of parts."

"You know what I mean, Diego."

Carmen rolls her eyes and glances up to me, "Come on, Ash, a few doughnuts won't kill you."

I guess that's true.

I sit and take a bite of the double chocolate. I love double chocolate.

* * *

"Hey Ash."

I look up from where I am trying to figure out if there's really a difference when you lift the stupid bar bells this way or that way. It's all the same stupid arm.

Oh. Right.

"Hi Aiden."

"Do you need some help or anything?"

"Uh…"Do you think it's just as effective if he lifts them for me? "Not really."

"Want some water?"

I nod, lowering the weights to the floor.

He hands me a cold water bottle. Oh wow. I now feel like superman.

He chuckles, "Feels pretty light, huh?" I nod. "I love that feeling after a workout."

"That's why you lead the," drink, "weight training workshop"

He shrugs, "It wasn't mandatory last year. I don't like forcing people to do things they don't want to do."

What a coincidence. I don't like doing things I am forced to do.

I smile at him. "I'm sure no one is blaming you."

At least not this workshop. And that's mostly because it's all girls. Well, I am sure Carmen is blaming him. Every other time she punches forward with that weight I'm pretty sure she grunts 'Take that' punch 'Aiden'.

He chuckles, "We'll see in a couple weeks."

I really don't like the sound of that.

* * *

"Where's the other girls?"

I look up from my vegetable medley at Spencer.

Why would they call this a medley?

"Oh. Carmen and Madison are," doing bad bad things, "doing stuff and Chelsea decided to join the healthy baking class."

She sits herself across from me.

"So, Carmen tells me you have a crush on Aiden."

What?

"Uh."

"He's a nice enough guy." She reaches over and takes a cauliflower from my plate and puts it into her mouth. "I noticed you didn't like them."

I shake my head, "Even with cheese sauce they're disgusting."

And I don't think I've ever said that about anything before. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't even say that about cardboard.

She laughs, "I don't think they carry cheese sauce here."

"I don't think they carry cheese at all."

She nods. "I miss it when I'm here."

I'm thrown for a loop. I'm pretty sure I decided she only drinks protein shakes when she's not here.

"Ugh. Not again."

I follow her eyes to Rambo Ken, in a much too tight tank top for a male, approaching our table.

"Spence, we need to talk."

"Why don't we go talk in my room?"

He beams, "Sounds perfect."

"I was talking to Ashley." I try my hardest not to look at Rambo as Spencer pulls me up from the table. I'm pretty sure I'll turn to stone. "You were done, right?"

I noiselessly nod as she takes my hand and pulls me from the cafeteria.

* * *

"So, you were going to tell me about Aiden."

No I wasn't.

I sit across from her on her bed.

"You should probably just talk to Carmen if you want to know about that."

She laughs, "So it isn't true?"

I don't think it is. I mean. If someone has a crush shouldn't they decide they have said crush, not their more than confusing roommate?

"I'm not sure."

Spencer nods. "You can do better than him anyways. Boys are stupid. I'm sorry about Bobby in there…"

I can do better than him?

Me?

A knock at the door breaks me from my reverie.

Spencer holds up a finger halting anything I was going to say, not that I was going to say anything, and gets up from the bed.

"Sherry?"

Oh God.

"Spence. I brought…" I can only assume the pause is caused because she spotted me. "What's she doing in here?"

"Sherry, really."

Sherry clears her throat, "Hi, uh, it's Ashley, isn't it?"

I nod.

"Right, so Ashley, me and Spence have to talk about stuff, you don't mind do you?"

I watch her head motion towards the door.

"Ash, you can stay."

"Oh, no. I think, I should go hang out with everyone else."

I stand and walk towards the door. Sherry immediately takes my place on the bed by Spencer hasn't moved.

"You really can stay?"

I smile at her and shake my head, "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She nods and starts towards the bed and Sherry.

I walk out of the room to a full house. Madison and Carmen are sitting on Madison's bed while Chelsea has her head in a book on her own bed.

I think they're still fighting.

I can't be sure.

"Davies! There you are."

"Here I am," I mutter.

"Well, we can now get this sugar party started."

Madison reaches under the bed and pulls out the three boxes that are left. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's closer to two and half, but, you get it.

"Madison. Really?" Chelsea closes her book and looks between the two of them.

Yes. They're still fighting.

"What? Sherry is in there. They'll be having homo happy time for hours."

"They are not having homo anything. Madison."

I think I'm starting to get Carmen.

"Does it matter?" Chelsea reaches the ground. "You're not supposed to have those."

"Seriously, O'Clay? You were finer earlier this week. Stop getting lame."

I watch as Chelsea walks towards the door.

"Well, now that that's over, we can really get the sugar party started."

I look between the two.

"Shouldn't someone go after her?"

Carmen looks conflicted. Madison looks hungry. I begin towards the door.

However, the door to the cabin had decided to open in slow motion.

What the hell is he doing here?

I watch as Carmen dives to the boxes, but we all know it's too late.

"What are those?" He points right at the boxes that Carmen unsuccessfully protected.

Not that cradling them like babies was really ever going to help matters at all.

"Nothing," she mutters as she attempts to place them under my bed.

"I think I know the Dunkin Donuts logo."

Yeah right.

"What the hell do you three think you're doing?"

"Dude, it's okay, we were just snacking." Carmen places the boxes on top of the bed.

"This is not okay. Do you three want to be this way for the rest of your lives?"

Madison places her hands on her hips.

I have decided that if this was a mid 90s afterschool action fighting kid to preteen 30 minute segment, that the hand on hips would be her signature move before her finisher.

It's just a thought.

"Excuse me, but like what?"

He looks incredulous for a moment, but recovers. "Fat."

"Watch who you're talking to Ragezilla we…"

This is about the time that they'd use random but effectively believable methods to grow huge and fight, somehow not destroying any property or people.

I think its impeccable balance on the good guys part. And some serious bad luck on the bad guy.

But, Bobby seems to have a lot of good luck. This could end badly.

"…Right Davies?"

"What?"

"We're not pathetic, right Davies?"

Pathetic? Why would we be…?

Carmen steps up in front of me.

"I for one am happy for the way I am. And it was up to me you pompous jackass I would be …"

Another door swings open and Spencer and Sherry are standing in the door frame to Spencer's room.

"What is going on?" Spencer walks forward and gets between Carmen and Bobby.

"They have Dunkin Donuts."

Spencer looks to the boxes on the bed to each of us in turn. I feel my face darkening at a rapid pace.

"How'd they do that?" Sherry moves and picks up one of the boxes, opening it.

"Why don't you ask them?"

I wonder whose face is darker mine or his. I sure hope his.

"Get out."

"Spencer, I am going to have to confiscate those." He points to the boxes. "They need to be disposed of."

Sherry is starring at the donuts like she's never seen one. Finally she closes the box and gathers the other two, handing them to Bobby.

"How'd you let this happen?"

"Bobby. This isn't a prison camp. These girls are not my prisoners." No. Spencer face definitely wins. "You are not their, their, fucking boss."

I hear Carmen gasp in front of me.

"Spence, we took an oath to…"

"To help them! Not to insult them."

Sherry touches Spencer's arm and Spencer turns from Bobby to her reluctantly, "Spence, why don't we go continue what we were doing."

Spencer nods slowly and turns back to Bobby.

"Get out."

"We need to talk, that's why I am here."

"Not now, Bobby."

"But…"

"Not now."

He nods and turns toward the door, donuts still in his hands.

"We're going to be okay, right, Spence?"

I hear her sigh and I watch Carmen's fist clench behind her.

"Bobby, we'll talk later, I need to calm down."

He leaves quickly after that.

Spencer turns towards us. "Are you guys okay?"

"Carlin, you should really stop feeding him steroids."

And she laughs. Loudly.

"I'll think about it, Madi."

Sherry has already retired back into Spencer's room and Spencer looks to the door. "You guys sure?"

"Go, Carlin. We're big girls."

Carmen nods in agreement. I think I do as well. And Spencer follows after Sherry.

"I guess no sugar party then." Madison lounges herself out on her bed.

Finally I move. I continue my path towards the door.

"Whoa, Davies, where are you going?"

"Ash, Chelsea will come back. She gets a little moody the first few weeks it…"

"No, what he said was not okay." I storm off in the direction he left in.

Stupid Ken dolls thinking its okay to just stomp all over other people.

Well. I'll tell them. There's a reason the ken doll's anatomy is less than developed.

Oh my.

I can't believe I just thought that.

But. That's not the point.

What would Spencer ever see in him anyways? Seriously?

I mean.

Remember earlier when she called boys stupid?

Yes, yes I do.

Then, for the second time today, it happens in slow motion.

I wonder if I should worry that Rambo Ken keeps causing slow motion visions?

Hm. No.

I watch as he opens the lid of the top box and pulls out a double chocolate and puts it in his thin lipped mouth.

Garbage my, well, for lack of a better word, ass.

Oh. It is so on.

I watch as he chews down on the doughnuts as he enters his cabin.

It is so so on.


End file.
